Who Are You Teaching To Give?

“You can’t take it with you.” Like many, I’d  heard that truism countless times, but its reality struck me squarely when both my parents passed away recently, two and a half years apart. No, the realization wasn’t because of possessions they’d left behind, rather it was because my parents taught my three older sisters and me one of the most significant lessons in life – the importance of giving.  

I don’t think our parents ever sat us down to tell us, “This is why you should give,” or “This is how you give.” Instead, giving for them was such an innate practice and pervasive mindset it was easy to absorb the virtue from them through observation. 

Anyone who ate out with my parents found it impossible to pay the restaurant check. One of them would always maneuver to grab it from the waiter or waitress and insist, “This is our treat.” My father would even pay the checks of unsuspecting acquaintances dining at other tables. At the end of their meals, they would be surprised to learn, “Someone paid your bill.”  

My mother always seemed to be giving something to someone. Among her acts of altruism were meals for hurting neighbors, holiday gifts for mail carriers, and care packages for college students of other families.  

In relative terms, these gifts from our parents were small. They regularly gave larger monetary gifts to their church and to a variety of other nonprofit organizations. Again, they didn’t make it a point to tell us about these donations, but over the years, pieces of conversations and other clues painted a picture of their financial benevolence. 

How we most often observed our parents’ giving was through their service. Mom and Dad were both quick to lend a hand whenever needed, whether it was making a meal or moving furniture, and whether it was for a family member, friend, or stranger. Sometimes they’d enlist us in the service, which we didn’t always appreciate at the time, but we recognize the value of now. 

In their wills, my parents named me as executor, which gave me a final window into their generosity. While owning and operating a successful business for 38 years, my parents lived below their means, so, even after giving very generously to others throughout their lifetimes, they still had much more to give after their passing. 

Executing an estate is a long and sometimes challenging process, but an undeserved privilege I enjoyed was distributing my parents’ monetary kindness to each of their will’s beneficiaries. The benevolence wasn’t mine, but I was privileged to receive the recipients’ expressions of heartfelt gratitude.  

I see my mother’s and father’s legacy of giving in my three sisters, as well as in other individuals my parents’ selflessness influenced. In fact, at both my Dad’s and Mom’s funerals, people told stories of how my parents materially “blessed” them, which inspired them to bless others.  

In a world full of needs, giving is increasingly important. What’s just as crucial is individuals teaching others to give. It’s worrying to envision our world if the next generation isn’t inspired to be generous.  

Who are you teaching to give?