How to Criticize Without Being a Jerk and Still Get What You Want

Photo credit Christina @ wocintechchat.com

There are 12 to twelve hundred different ways of saying something critical that can make a huge difference in both the impact and outcome.

A crucially important one comes right out of the gate.  It’s the tee shot, timing.  

The wrong timing can make a mega difference.  Avoid or suspend criticizing someone when they’re not feeling well or they’re concentrating on something acutely important to them, especially work-related stuff that’s time sensitive, income relative.  

Another is facial expression. What a difference that can make!  Huuuuge!  So, don’t be a Scrooge, a miserly, penny-pincher with feelings.  Chip in a smile!

There’s nothing quite like a smile to lighten and lubricate whatever it is you’re about to dump on someone or rub into their focus.  Coming nicely wrapped in a smile, it won’t sound nearly as bad, caustic or harsh.  Even serious stuff, you can glide in, not crash land on their head.

You can soften even sickening negatives with healthful, even ebullient positives.

Or try laying criticisms down softly on a blanket of praise, a cushion of courtesy, maybe even giving the subject an extra pillow or two for them to rest their ego upon.

You could say, for example, I know you always care about making others feel good and you want them to do their best, which is an admirable quality you have.  

Sometimes however, if they’re way off kilter, you need to point it out, steer them clear, but wave the stem of a flower instead of a stick.  And you can do it tactfully, not parasitically like a tick.  Be their friend with their best interest at heart.  

Look at criticism as supportive, enlightening, exemplifying. Even edifying.  

You could say I want you to be even better than you are by doing this or that, which will also have a more lasting, indelible, uplifting effect.  

Oh well, I just thought these ways might help you to . . . make a difference!