Funny Business: Biz Speak Decoded – How to Talk Like a Banker or Venture Capitalist

Posted on Jun 21, 2012 in Financial Communications, IR Therefore I Am | 0 comments

Every business has its own jargon, idioms and expressions. The world of high (low?) finance is no exception.

Ever wonder about some of the things bankers, venture capitalists and the purveyors of private equity say? Well, wonder no more… Herewith is a reference guide for a number of expressions you’re likely to hear and a translation:

When they say…	They mean…
Business plan	Glossy book containing lies
Assumptions	More lies in support of main lies
Projections	Numerical lies
Niche market	Too small for anyone else to care about
First mover advantage (still used)	See above
On plan	We lost money
Ahead of plan	We lost less money
Slightly below plan	Just about over
Angel investors	Rich friends and family members we put the arm on
Mezzanine finance	The penultimate group of suckers
IPO	The ultimate group of suckers
Entrepreneur	Person suffering from tunnel vision
Limited downside	We’ve about hit bottom
Exit strategy	We’ve identified suckers to off load this venture on
Long selling cycle	We haven’t found a market yet
R&D phase	Product doesn’t work yet
Volume sensitive	High fixed costs
Commercialization phase	We actually have a product
Acquisition strategy	Nothing we have works, let’s buy something
Major opportunity	We need money fast
Strategic buyer	The greater fool theory at work
Professional management	The previous guys were idiots
Strategic advisor	Someone who leaves when the money runs out
Game changer	For what game?